A Woman is No Man
by Etaf Rum
My rating: *****out of 5 Stars
Published: March by Harper
Genre: Domestic Fiction
Pages: 352
Buy It: Amazon
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I hate adulting – running errands, finishing up taxes, cooking dinner – especially when I have a book like A Woman is No Man waiting for me. This book was so hard to put down! If real life wouldn’t keep getting in the way, I would have finished this book in one sitting. It’s that good! This is definitely my favorite book of the year so far.
What it’s about
1990 – Isra is an 18 year old Palestinian woman, living with her mother and father on a beautiful hilltop in Palestine. She has been raised to do her duty, honor her parents, cook, clean and do other household chores. Now it is time for her to marry and have children because that is what a woman does – it is what she is made for. Her father chooses an American man who has come to Palestine to look for a wife. Isra, having no choice in the matter, agrees in order to keep the peace. She is married, and that same day, carted off to Brooklyn, New York to begin her life.
Brooklyn is not at all what she expected. The houses are small and all look the same. There is no space like in her homeland. But that doesn’t matter, because she will rarely leave her home. She must fulfill her duties. Her first job and most important job is to produce a male heir to carry on the family name. Her other job is to help her mother-in-law, Fareeda, with the household chores. Isra has lost all contact with her family. She is alone in a new land. She wants her husband Adam to love her. She wants Fareeda to love her. And she thinks that if she does everything that is asked of her, they will love her.
But it doesn’t work out that way. Isra becomes pregnant and has a girl. And then another girl. And then another. Fareeda is disgusted with her and never fails to mention how she is disgracing the family, bringing them more “burdens.” Adam, plagued by his family’s constant reliance on him financially, and also his mother’s nagging about having a son, starts drinking heavily, and then, hitting his wife.
Isra becomes depressed. She starts having dark thoughts and begins to act strangely. And then, the unthinkable happens.
2008 – Deya, Isra’s oldest daughter, is now at the age where she is expected to marry. Her grandmother, Fareeda, brings suitor after suitor to their home, hoping one will propose to Deya. Deya does not want to marry and tries to convince her grandmother that times have changed and that things are different in America. But to her grandparents, they are first and foremost Arabs, not Americans, and must abide by their culture’s traditions. Deya rejects suitor after suitor, but begins to worry that one day she will have to give in. One day, her grandmother will force her into a marriage she doesn’t want and she will be powerless to stop it. What will happen to her then? And what will happen to her three younger sisters, who will be forced into the same fate?
My Thoughts About the Book
I love books that introduce me to a culture or time that I don’t know anything about. And although I thought I had somewhat of a concept of what it was like to be an immigrant from the middle east, this book completely rocked my world. Last year, I read and loved A Place for Us by Fatima Mirza. That book discussed what it was like to be the children of Muslim immigrants, living in America. But it was told from a mostly male perspective – what the expectations are for men and how that affects them. This book delves into the female role in a Palestinian culture. Although intellectually I knew that women are treated poorly in some cultures, this book hit me emotionally. It introduced me to what it must be like, on a daily basis, for women who are marginalized, abused, taught they are unworthy, or less than. Shame was a word brought up frequently in this book, by more than one female character. Shame for simply being born female.
Another thing that really hit me was how women can be their own worst enemy. It was Isra’s mother who pushed for her to get married and leave the family. It was Fareeda who placed all the expectations on Isra and her own daughter, Sarah. She perpetuated the tradition that women marry young, that they should be submissive to their elders and their husbands, that they do not question the Arab ways. Even Nadine, Fareeda’s other daughter-in-law, saw what was happening to Isra and did nothing to help. She wouldn’t befriend her. She acted like she wasn’t even there. Instead of helping, women perpetuated the mistreatment by actively promoting it or turning a blind eye.
I liked how Isra’s character became stronger throughout the novel, and how she tried to do what was right for her girls, no matter what the cost. At first she really was no more than a doormat, following every expectation of her husband and her mother-in-law without question. But after befriending Sarah, and reading all the books Sarah brought home for her, Isra began to see another way. And although it was hard for her and it caused her to suffer greatly, Isra tried to do the right thing for her girls. She gained strength from stories of other women facing adversity. (I always connect with people who love reading!)
And speaking of strength, I so admire Etaf Rum, the author who put herself out there. She risked the alienation of her family and her community by speaking the truth about domestic abuse and oppression so that other women could free themselves from it.
This book is the perfect example of how reading can change lives.
Click here to read Etaf’s interview on NPR.
Other books you may enjoy:
A Place for Us by Fatima Mirza
An American Marriage by Tayari Jones
